I’m getting tired of seeing singers do “belly dance”…

To me, it seems it’s for the shock value rather than for the sake of the dance…

Thursday isn’t until an hour from now for me, but for some of you, it is!

I was having a down moment not too long ago before I realized what I was telling myself was completely destructive and I want to help encourage you all in your endeavors!

Send a message, anon or not, about any problems that you are having, issues that you have, bad stories or woes to the inbox! They will be gladly answered full of support and advice that hopefully will help you out!

Your dance sisters are also encouraged to answer and reply to any message that is sent!

(insert tearing hair out gif here)

We had a vendor come in yesterday, great guy, takes care of all the medical cabinets in the office at The Company, and i was telling him about the show that we just had this past weekend.  He asked me what dance i was doing and i said belly dance and he got this incredulous look on his face and said ” Belly dance, YOU!?”

And i looked up at him and said, “i’m sorry, but belly dance ins’t all about the skinny girls shaking their tits and ass in a bra and belt set.  The dance is MORE than that.” I proceeded to show him one of the group videos from last week’s show (i think i pulled Sella fina).

While his notion was that I was doing Cabaret (which i started out doing), it just hurt.  Even though i KNOW that there are and will always be that preconceived notion that a belly dancer is a girl walking around a restaurant shaking her tits and ass in a bra and belt set that she found off of a website.

Darlene and other “bigger” dancers always bring me up, but shit like this… just tears me right back down sometimes. 

I posted this on my FB status as well, and a co-worker replied that i “challenge the paradigm”, but it just sucks that there’s a paradigm at all!!!  I replied to his post with this:

that’s the thing, there are so many MORE fluffy belly dancers out there than people think, be it in Cabaret OR tribal… I’m not some girl who’s going to buy a bra and belt set off of ebay and a BARELY opaque skirt and drive to the nearest greek/middle eastern restaurant/club and call myself a belly dancer… I can easily do that, and can easily undercut the dancer that they may already have (which is how many reputable and SKILLED belly dancers lose or miss out on gigs because of the under-cutters), I WONT because i’m not that kind of dancer/person.

I have SEVERAL belly dancers here and on my tumblr that are far from the skinny big tits and sparkly costume dancer that people expect. 

Not that either form or the other is better, though society’s “ideal” is what is preferred. As much as my fellow dancers bring me up, and give me the confidence that most others WONT because i’m not the “ideal”, a single comment like that can bring me down in an instant.

It’s also the reason why i dont tell many people that i belly dance because i dont want to get that look and that assumption…. 

Oh… and dont get me started on the notion that because i’m a belly dancer that i’ll be giving anyone that ASKS a private show *sneers* I don’t even give Riven a “show” in that sense. I make that choice for my own reasons, and doing that for your man is never a bad thing, just not something that i’d do. 

Because really, who’s going to tell a woman who is as big and as beautiful as Mandanah is that she’s NOT the type to belly dance when she is so happy to dance as she is.  I sure as hell wont tell her no!

What a great article!

It’s better to find a sisterhood with common ground rather than being taught by someone that just wants to show you off. It’s a waste of your time and your money.

I had a teacher like that. I’m glad that I found Amy Sigil to look up to. She has great passion for the dance. I plan to take any workshop that I can find and afford from her.

What or Who is your ghost? Ghosts are those things that haunt us, that drive us to dance—those feelings that we just can’t let go of that cause us to fall into a deep pool of water while wearing lead shoes.

Mine is named Unsupportive.

And I have come to realize something: your ghost can come in any shape, size, and person in your life. Your Ghost does not discriminate.

I had the unfortunate event, not too long ago, to witness two faces of Unsupportive and they were the faces of my sisters.

A great oppritunity has come up and I’m excited to go grab it. All I did was ask for help. Unsupportive grabbed my sister and made her act irrationally. The more I refused the grip of Unsupportive (after learning its name and motives), the angrier it became, making my sister—I’m sure—foam at the mouth with rage.

It started by saying “I am supportive of you, but this does not go with what I believe you should do” and ended with “THIS ISN’T GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!!! GOING AND DANCING AROUND WITH SOMEONE THAT IS MORE FAMOUS THAN YOU DOESN’T DO A DAMN THING FOR YOU BUT SAY “HEY, LOOK AT ME! I DANCE WITH THIS PERSON!” (direct quote, by the way…)

Luckily my dance sisters were there to catch my fall and became my support.

Soon, my other sister was gripped by Unsupportive. “I’m glad that you support Dana”, it said, “but you are outsiders looking in. This fight is between my sisters. Please stay out of it.”

My dance sisters fought back. I remained silent because I knew that if Unsupportive knew my thoughts, it would continue to tear me down piece by piece.

Thank you to all of my dance sisters that stood for me, whether you knew that was my Ghost or not, and helped silence Unsupportive.

It was truly one of the most motivating moments of my life.

Remember that we are all sisters, aiming for one goal: to better ourselves, even if it be an emotional purpose or a shallow purpose.

Your ghosts do not discriminate. They will never give up the closest person to you. They will more than likely use it first. When you see your ghost appear, remember its name, its motives and don’t back down!

If you see a sister’s ghost appear before her.

Please.

Support her.

xibalbadance:

They tell my dance sisters that they are outsiders looking in, but on the other hand, so are my real sisters…

They don’t understand the need to train under real professionals…

But they should.

Being taught under a professional is like going to college and getting a degree…

You aren’t a trained architect if you only go to college for one year.

A couple of years ago, a woman whom I was newly friends with, came to my home for a visit. Prior to coming over, she said she had a gift for me. She comes over and we are having a good time. She pulls out a nice costume and says she cannot fit it and knew I needed costumes badly, as I fluctuate in weight. She gave it to me and I was thrilled to have a new costume, though this was not something I would pick out myself.

Afterwards, she pulls out another costume that set my eyes on fire! It was gorgeous! She said she could not fit that one either so she would let me borrow it. I told her I’d rather not “borrow” it, as I would have to alter it, potentially butchering it. So she said she would trade me for it, as she knew I had TONS of stuff I was selling. She went through my sale closet and fell inlove with 4 costumes! I was willing to trade all 4 for the one she was willing to trade. 

A couple of months later, she called me and said she wanted it back. I told her I wanted all the other costumes I traded, back as well. She admitted she had cut one of them up and given one of the costumes away! I told her, I didn’t want them back in bad condition and that I was furious that she gave the one away that I didnt even want to give up (this one was NOT for sale)… She got upset and told everyone in her community (many of them being people that I danced with) that I STOLE the costume!!! She exaggerated the price that she paid for it ($1500) and said she was going to sue me. I begged her to, as I had this all written in email and text message that she was thankful for all the new costumes she got from me. It doesn’t help her that I had a witness here to see us get all excited over our trade. And it doesn’t help that I called the designer myself and asked her how much it was. She said, “$800”….

So there are people who have been creating lies and drama and thinking I actually stole her costume. Anyone who assumes you would do something way out of your character, just delete them out of your life!

Always keep receipts and/or a bargaining note with signatures.  Always keep emails about a potential sale or barter! This way, if someone accuses you of this, you do not have to retaliate with harsh words. You simply scan the letter(s) and post! That is what I did. And still people want to hate me for this bullshit. (excuse my language)

That is the astonishing part….even after posting proof, they are still talking like school girls. None of these women are my age. They are my mothers age. Also know, that age does not equal wisdom!

I’ve realized lately how fake so many dancers in my community act. When a dancer announces their plans for starting a new class or they post a video from a recent show, everyone is quick to applaud and praise them, but there is NEVER any congratulations to that same dancer if they booked a private party and it was a successful event.

There are so many backstabbing, double-crossing bitches in our community, it makes me sick. Some dancers have been caught multiple times undercutting others in the area, but they still get invited to perform at huge gala shows, while the whistle-blowers (like me and others) get labeled “troublemakers” and are avoided or not invited to other events.

It’s also obvious that my community has a problem with territory and not actual undercutting. They love to whine and bitch about the local undercutting school, but then take gigs at other restaurants that don’t pay any better. Gee, maybe you get paid so little because you accept it anyway? So obviously your issue isn’t that the other school is undercutting, it’s actually that they’re just not hiring YOU since you’ll dance for the same pay anyway - and that makes you better how, exactly??

I seriously hate probably 3/4 of my dance community, and they all probably know how I feel about most of them. I guess it’s expected though, I can’t help it that this dance attracts just as many lame stupid drama queens as it does cool chicks that just want to get their groove on and make some cash doing it

Equality And Fairness In The Community

A Generalize Rant About What Goes On

“Behind The Veil”

Inspired By A Post Found On Meetup.com 

As a dancer of 15 years, I have seen and been a part of many performances over the years.  I have laughed, cried and cheered at performances (from student to professional performances), and practiced, stressed, drilled, rehearsed and practiced more before stepping out of the wings into the bright stage lights and danced for what felt like forever; even though it was only 3-ish minutes.  I know the dance forms that I have been a part of in the past (ballet and ballroom) have a PREFERREDbody type; IE statuesque and rail thin.  The ONLY dance form that I have found that is accepting of any shape and height of a woman (and men too), is belly dance. It also promotes a sense of acceptance, support and community.

Or Does It?

Recently the Director of the dance troupe that I am a part of was told that she would have a performance slot in an upcoming annual show, run by my beginner teacher.  When she contacted the event organizer for this year’s show when things started to fall together, she was THEN told that she was going to be put on a waiting list for a performance slot; AFTER being told that she was SOLIDLY having a place somewhere in the lineup.  I’ve performed in this show, with the troupe I was a part of, then the last time (May 2011), as my first solo EVER. I was shaking like a leaf but by god I went out there and I did it.  I posted on the event page for the following show, saying that I was very interested in doing another solo act (and one that I have been choreographing and planning in my head since my first solo), and was told as well that I would be set on a waiting list, after telling my first teacher that I would be more than able to perform the following year.

Now the lineup is coming out, and it contains a sister troupe (headed by my ATS Teacher), as well as a few other tribal fusion dancers. My Director feels that it is a slap in the face to her that she was put on a waiting list instead of given a spot/chance to get a spot in the line-up. I agree with her since I told the organizer that I would have a piece ready for that show.  And now neither of us will be performing.  Favoritism is rampant in the so-called belly dance “community”, and it really needs to stop.  A few of the dancers in the said line up aren’t what most would consider “local”.  One group that is performing is based out of the northern part of our state, and I believe another dancer or two are from farther south (though from where this show is located, those from the north have a much father way to go than those coming up from the south).

The other thing that I hate about the so called “community” is that even though people SWEAR up and down, back and forth that there is NO clique mentality/favoritism in belly dance; pardon my French but that it total horse shit.  Just about each genre of belly dance has their own cliques, two faces, back stabbers, and flat out liars.  Favoritism is nigh on rampant in some areas, a good example again being my Director.  Come to find out, she was put on a side list until the organizers friends could get back to them as to whether they could perform or not; as was I since I was not asked to perform this year as well.

I have also heard of teachers/troupes/individuals criticizing other dancers for their looks.  Belly dance is NOT supposed to be solely about looks!  Yes, there is an aesthetic for some, but for most that’s not the case, and the only aesthetic that should REALLY matter is costuming, if that.  I know of a girl who teaches pole dancing classes and is completely RIPPED from head to toe, and she was interested in learning belly dance.  She took a class closer to her area (a “sister” tribal studio since there are few “twue” tribal studios where I live), and was told that she shouldn’t be a belly dancer because of her toned and fit body.  While she may not have a belly to jiggle, she would still be able to do kick as belly rolls and other very précises moves because of the muscle control she’s already developed.  Yes it’d be a new way to use the muscles, but some people pick up moves faster than others.  Because the studio I dance at is over an hour away from her and because of her teaching schedule; she can’t make it to classes, thus a potential new and talented dancer was lost.  All because ONE person in the community fucked up, and sadly, sometimes that’s all it takes.

Now I have to say that this is not ALWAYS the case.  I just find that this sense of community is partially a sham to try to lure newbies in, and then the resulting newbies are scared away because of some of the things explored above.  A good portion of dancers in the community are AMAZING people, supportive, resourceful, and more than willing to help out when needed.

I just wish that what we all say in regards to belly dance and the community is 100% true, instead of having that handful of people screw it up for the rest of us.

You want to see Appropriation in action? This is appropriation.

As you read through the article, it makes you sick to your stomach—Until you get the very end!

I laughed so hard…

I will admit, there are those that… appropriate. They take things from cultures without learning what it was originally for and make them into costumes or costume pieces.

Belly dancing, itself, is NOT appropriation. We LEARN about belly dance in our classes and where it came from, why it still has the stereotypes, and what we can do to change it.

There are those that go out and do it for sexual pleasure, something that is not taken kindly in the belly dance community.

If it’s such an appropriation thing, then why are Arab women teaching it to other cultures to this day? It’s not like we stumbled across it then said “oh yeah, I can do that!”

We WANT belly dance to spread. We UNDERSTAND what belly dance is about. We have LEARNED the history behind it and debunked the myths.

ARAB women find it powerful. How is this imperialism? The Romani styles that are popping up in belly dance were in place WAY before belly dance even CAME to America! Tango and Flamenco are Romani dances. Are THOSE appropriation, too? Those have a better stance than belly dance does in terms of ranking.

The person stating these things probably hasn’t even taken a belly dance class EVER. And if they have, they had ONE bad teacher. I roll my eyes every time I see something like this.

Oh no, a white woman doing something Arabic! She probably doesn’t even know what those dance moves mean, or what style of music this is! For sure, this is appropriation! Shame on you, American women, for doing something another culture does!

We know what we are doing. We are taught musicality, what types of dresses to wear to a certain music taste, and know better than to just throw something together.

Even Tribalists are taught classical and can fuse it to their tribal style. Hence the term “Triberet”, “Tribal Fusion”, and the uses of classical costuming with tribal costuming.

We are more interested in the culture of the Mid East than you could ever imagine. We start learning the language, wanting to see the countries, see authentic belly dancers, even take up college course classes about the Mid East. We start dedicating a part of our lives to this culture.

And with the Romani parts in belly dance, we start learning about their culture, too. It’s a great way to get your culture out there to those that actually want to learn and to help get the horrible stereotype off of your shoulders.

Appropriators wouldn’t do that.

To tell me that I’m stifling someone because I’m putting a part of their culture in my dance, AFTER I have learned about it, is irritating.

I’d like for you to tell that to one of my personal friends that does Romani belly dance. I would LOVE to hear the earful you’d get.

F’ you, Appropriation Whistleblowers. 

Sorry, I’ve had a rough week.

I’m angry.

I would very much like to start a dialogue on something that troubles me quite a bit: 

Dancers openly putting down other dancers on public internet forums.

It happens all the time. My perspective is that it’s an unhealthy phenomenon that won’t be fixed if we just ignore it and pretend it isn’t hurtful. 

I feel strongly that we are all active members of a close-knit community full of creative performers who all make ourselves vulnerable to one another and to the world. Famous or unknown, advanced or beginner, every time any one of us gets onstage, every time we allow our performances to be filmed and posted online, every time we attempt new choreography or costuming, every time we make a choice to either try something different or continue exploring previously established techniques, we are opening ourselves up. We are offering something of our hearts. It might not be perfect, or even good… but it’s always brave. And that’s something to be honored, not abused. 

And yet, so often, abuse happens, and it comes from within this community. It’s one thing when some random, bored kid trolling the internet leaves a comment tearing down a dancer’s performance in a public forum. But to watch a PEER pick another dancer apart with non-constructive, petty language on YouTube, or elsewhere… somehow, that’s always extra heartbreaking. While healthy critique can be a very helpful tool, no one ever seems to benefit from that particular kind of negativity. Not the performer, not the dancer who leaves the comment, and certainly not our community in general. 

So… why does it happen so much? 

I would like to say something, specifically, to my fellow dancers who leave those types of comments for our peers online: 

Our community as a whole is TINY, with a handful of big fish swimming around in it. None of us are immune to unsolicited, unkind criticism. If ya gotta preface a YouTube video remark or forum comment with “no offense, but” or “I’m not trolling, I swear”, it probably means you should reconsider your language. All that preface does is reveal that you’ve made a conscious choice not to keep your commentary gentle and constructive, yet feel JUST enough responsibility to want to cover your ass. That is not being helpful. You will not convince anyone that your intentions are good. Rather, your remark reads like a misguided attempt to feel a bit bigger and better about yourself. But it won’t work. All it will do is make your community a little less kind, and a little less inspired.

Let’s face it, YouTube comments in particular are one of the lowest, most dehumanizing forms of social discourse that modern society has at this juncture. But does that mean it’s not worth trying to improve the way we speak to each other? Why do we let these kind of public put-downs from peers sit there, unanswered and unchallenged? Is it always better to ignore them? Are the instances where (gently and respectfully) responding to these kinds of snipes might encourage better behavior?

What do you think? Have you left commentary online that you felt was useful critique? What made it useful? When does useful cross the line into catty? Have you gotten critique that you felt was helpful? What made it helpful? 

As for me, I’ve had good results with speaking to offending dancers as directly and as kindly as possible. How about you? What are your experiences with this kind of thing?

Phew. Thanks so much for reading, and for letting me get this weight off my chest. I’m so grateful to have this forum, and looking forward to your insights.

Has anyone had these problems?

I know I have.

What makes critique into criticism for you?

Carrara Nour has everything in perspective with belly dance. She is tired of the stereotype and is making a difference in our belly dance community, one “dairy-free” gig at a time!

You go girl!